I wish you’d listen if I told you
if I could just convey openly
never should I have tried to make you mine so early on
to move with my heart, ignorant of the obvious
to only befriend, instead
to suppress the unbound desire like a bulletproof windshield
leaving just the side windows slightly open for the taste of a soft breeze
yet, how could I? Your beauty can destroy all!
That moment you sat down directly across from me
that moment your smile pierced the shields of Gods,
dropping them to their knees like wounded horses in a doomed battle
that moment your eyes grounded my spirit
and your black hair, like feathers of a crow, carried my star through the empty abyss.
For once I believed she finally arrived
a raspberry vine flourishing in exhausted sand
malnourished and dehydrated for eons
you were there
and here I was
so confident, so confused
so inexperienced and insecure but I paid no mind.
I remember laying eyes on you for the first time
or, possibly, the second
was it when you held the door for me? Always so polite
or, more memorably,
when you walked on by looking straight ahead? A bratty disposition upon your face.
Honestly, I thought of you as kind of a poser
young and snobby
selfish and crude.
Never had I thought to myself,
“That is the woman I will fall for”
but fall, I did
and I’m sure you noticed.
I deserted those cloudless days,
those natural smiles and honest laughs
and once I did it took every ounce of courage
to look you in the eyes, to approach you as if nothing had changed
yet we both knew something had
and my vulnerability, within days,
leveled my appeal; from skyscraper to ruin
much like the city I adore.
Maybe this is why the urge to leave is so powerful,
I hate to mirror ruin.
The chase has ended
I am not giving up nor am I letting go,
only moving on–as the universe intends
may I appear in your dreams as a kind reminder
of moments in strength and wholeheartedness
when my eyes had seen nothing and no one but you
…as if they still do.